Blog Nosh Magazine

Building a House of Cards

Originally published on "Et tu?"

For whatever reason, I keep stumbling across blogs by mothers who are battling cancer lately. One of the things that's most striking about every one of them is how much looking through their posts highlights how fragile life is, and how little control we really have over our destinies. The post at the bottom of the page, from last Wednesday, might be titled something like "Feeling great!" and recount high hopes and improving health. And then the latest post, from today, might be titled "Bad news" and tell of dire test results and the choking realization that the author will probably not live to see her children grow up.

Just now I was doing my usual blog reading during the kids' naptime, and I came across yet another blogger who just received a grave cancer diagnosis. She's a mother, she's not even 30 yet, and there's a good chance that she doesn't have a lot more time.

Oddly, I was able to keep a stiff upper lip through most of the post, until she got to the part about...

The Windfall of My Life

Originally published on We Make Three

If you’ve been reading this blog, you know that I’ve been married to Michael for nearly 20 years. This man saved me. I’m not kidding. And I will always love him for that.

I was only 20 when we got married. Even at that young age, I realized that I had everything to learn about life. We both understood that starting a family would wait while we developed ourselves, our careers, and focused on our marriage. We had nothing for our start together other than the china and crystal from our wedding registry. Not even a couch. It was a meager beginning, but still a heady time for us. We had nothing but each other and our independence. I love how we started our relationship, and I love that we sacrificed and made our way without any help.

Life happened to us. We bought our home, built our careers, and enjoyed our lives together. We got our dog, a little Yorkie I named Chester, who became the perfect vessel for my maternal outpourings. We talked about kids. A lot. Michael is very practical. Pragmatic. He looks at the facts and makes very accurate assessments. We discussed the commitment, sacrifice, and change in our lifestyle that having a family would require. We were ready.

Holy Ground

Originally Posted at Bring the Rain

Take off your sandals, for the place
where you are standing is
holy ground...
                                                    Exodus 3:5

The funeral home called a few days ago (7/8) to tell us that Audrey's grave marker was in.

This week has been hard, and for some reason, this pushed me over the edge emotionally.  I don't even know if I could say it was sadness, because I have been waiting for weeks for this call.  I wanted her to have more than the little plastic placeholder with the piece of paper in it. I was relieved that it was finally there, but it took my breath away to hear the words.  It feels so final.

Immediately, I told Todd I wanted to go over and see it.  We only have one car right now (I kind of wrecked the other one a little bit, but I contend that it was the pile of cement's fault.  It practically jumped out and ripped off my bumper) and the twins had a friend over, so I started out the door.  Kate saw me grab my keys and she started screaming and begging to come with me.  I told her that I was going to see Audrey and then to the grocery store, and that I didn't think she would have as much fun as if she stayed and played with all the girls.  She protested. And then she started putting on her shoes and saying over and over, "Ona go, momma.  Ona go."  When Kate says she "wants to" go, she is pretty persistent.  I didn't have the strength to fight her, so I told her she could come. She ran to the playroom and grabbed the back page of a princess magazine they had been reading, wiped her eyes, and said "let's go, momma. I go wif you, just you and kate, momma.  just us, right?"

"Just you and me, Kate.  We're going to go see Audrey."  She climbed in her car seat, clinging on to the magazine page. 

The whole way to the cemetery, I watched her smile in the rear-view mirror. I love taking each of my girl's out for "alone time," because we get to connect in a different way than when we are all together, and I think it helps them to know they are each so special to me.  Kate really needs this time, especially lately. 

We got to the cemetery and I grabbed my camera to take pictures so Todd could see Audrey's marker.  I obliged when Kate asked to take off her shoes.  She loves the feeling of grass in her toes; she is the kind of kid who wants to "feel" everything fully.  She wants to touch the flowers (pluck mercilessly), sort my purse (turn upside-down and use up my new lipstick), and to enjoy her food (shove fistfuls of it into her mouth while closing her eyes and purring "mmm-mmm."). She doesn't know how to do life halfway, and I love that about her.

She grabbed her little page and started walking around the cemetery with this big grin.  I spent some time talking to Audrey, and then asked her if she wanted to come over with me (she had discovered the joy of stealing the little flags from several vases....don't worry, they have been returned...). 

She looked up at me, confused.

"Ona see Audrey."

"She's right here, honey.  They just gave her a special new plaque that tells about her.  It has her name on it."  I ran my fingers along the letters and she took a step in my direction, then stopped.

Symbiosis

Originally published on Soy is the New Black

It amazes me again each year that from the humblest beginnings, little dry seeds and tiny seedlings can grow with such fury.

Reaching toward the sky. Rambling out of their beds. Stretching twining tendrils. Completing life's cycle as Mother Nature intended.

Simple Pleasures Are the Best

Originally published on PENSIEVE

I did something yesterday I hadn't done in a long, long time. 

It was quite by accident, I wouldn't have planned it, and in fact, had I known what I was getting into, I would've done whatever I could to avoid it. 

Under cotton ball-dotted blue skies during the afternoon rush, I walked into the grocery store.  A full shopping cart and an empty pocketbook later, I walked out into unexpected gray and gloom; not just rain mind you, but furious pregnant drops defying gravity with a sideways pour. 

The parking lot had been crowded when I arrived, forcing me to park at the far end.  "It's better for me, anyway" I remember thinking. 

There were no two ways about it, I was going to get wet.

Person after person in the same boat as I made a run for it; it's funny to watch someone make an umbrella out of a bag of dogfood.  It's also entertaining to watch people dancing and dodging to avoid the inevitable--this was a deluge, THEY WERE GOING TO GET WET!

Regret Interrupted

Originally published on T with Honey and titled A Moment Almost Missed.

The little curly haired girl crawled out of her mother’s lap and headed over to the box of toys. It was time to pick out a special friend to take to bed to be cuddled through the night. After careful consideration she picks up Baby Bop.

As per her usual habit she lays the toy on its tummy, finds a little blanket and begins to tuck Baby Bop into bed. The blanket doesn’t go down right the first time so she lifts it up to try again. As she does the little girl notices that Baby Bop has a friend. In the pocket on the front of Baby Bop’s outfit is a little stuffed piggy. The little girl picks up her toy and asks “What this?” Her mommy repies, “It’s Baby Bop’s toy.”

“Oh, what this called?” she said pointing to the pink toy. “It’s a piggy”
The little girl is curious about the piggy. She wants to pull it out, look at it and ask more questions. Her mommy just wants her to crawl in bed and go to sleep. It’s getting late.

The toddler’s inquisitiveness takes a stronger hold. She points at the little animal and asks for the fourth time, “What this called?”
The mommy flatly states, “It’s a piggy.” Then with more than a little exasperation in her voice she says, “Princess, it is time for bed. You need to stop this. Lay down and go to sleep.”

The little girl’s arms sag and she glances at her mommy’s face. Her mother’s eyes meet hers for just a fraction of a second but the girl’s frustration and sadness comes across in that look and stab into her mommy’s soul.

The Golden Hour

Originally published on Lawyer Mama

In photography, the best shots usually come with the best light: shortly after sunrise and the hour before sunset.  At this time of day, everything looks magical.  Everything looks beautiful. The light diffuses the world with warmth and a special ethereal glow.  Everything is simple and clear for one. magical. hour. every day.  The golden hour.

Because I am not a morning person, my golden hour is the hour before sunset. 

I spend my day at the office focusing on facts, analysis, crafting legal arguments.  I deal with petty office politics, avoid those I don't care for, and court favor with those I do.  I attend committee meetings and client meetings and depositions and hearings.  I write briefs, pleadings and professional articles.  I take client calls and conference calls.  I scour contracts for loopholes and alternative language.

My day is added up in 6 minute increments and ruthlessly accounted for.  I can tell you how much time I spend in the bathroom or getting tea every day.

Home + School= Homeschool?

Originally posted on Straight Shooter.

Ever say something you didn't mean in the slightest? Didn't believe it for even a second and then it really happened? That was me and homeschooling.

I remember the day I casually informed a fellow public school teacher that if I ever had kids, I'd homeschool them before I let them go to public school. Two very important facts about me back then, 1) I didn't plan on ever havin' crumb snatchers of my own - ever. And 2) I would never, ever in a kajillion years want to be around them all day, all night, 24/7 if I did accidentally have any.

... and then it happened. Both things. Had a couple crumb snatchers and I homeschool. (Home educate for all you homeschool purist terminology snobs.) Guess what?

First Ever Public Fess: I ab-so-freakin'-lute-ly love it! Homeschooling - that is. Well, I kinda like the kids too. I guess it'd be a little weird without them bitin' my ankles all the live long day.

Here's a perfect example of WHY.

Crashed by Gustav

Our tasteful dinner party here at Blog Nosh Magazine has been crashed by Hurricane Gustav!

We'll be back up and running shortly...  In the meantime, use this time to digest all that we've delivered so far, catch up on some of your favorite channels, and get to know our editors. 

More than anything, we are hungrier than ever for your submissions as we gear up for the big relaunch!  Get involved now, submit one of your own posts, one of your favorite blogger's, or help support our insatiable appetite and advertise your blog or small business on Blog Nosh Magazine while the getting is good!

Fresh hot eats coming up!

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