{by Grace Davis from State of Grace}

Before she lived in her safe and snug redwood house by the sea; before she met a man who loves her from the top of her head to her toes; before she birthed and raised and set free into the world her beautiful and bright brown eyed daughter, before 20 years of work in a series of rewarding occupations; before she labored at two sometimes three jobs in a big city as she put herself through college; before the richness, goodness and accomplishments of her life today, she was a 17 year old girl with just $200 and a backpack full of books and some clothes to her name.

She was on her own three days before she turned 18 and her high school graduation. She missed the ceremony to find work. On her birthday she found a job in the mountains, in the loving caress of nature. Though she was young, she intuitively knew that the embrace of twig, stone, river, mountain and sky would help her heal from the carnage she had known all her life in her parents’ household.

She had fled from domestic violence. She left, knowing she had to save herself.  All on her own, at 17, she began her journey to recovery and wholeness.

Such a journey almost always involves hard work.  In that first year on her own, this meant hard manual labor.  A strong and sturdy young woman, she was part of the crew that maintained the grounds and buildings of a lodge. She moved, pushed and placed furniture and equipment around the property. She scrubbed, scoured and swept the rooms and cabins. She toiled in a restaurant, busing tables and balancing large trays of dishes and glasses on one arm over her head.

She opened a checking account in the village bank. Her savings grew. Her goal was to save money for college.

That summer, on her days off, she hiked deep into wooded canyons and ascended steep switchbacks to the tops of granite peaks and shimmering waterfalls. When the Autumn arrived and her friends began their freshman years at universities, she began running long distances along the local roads and trails.  On the first day of December, she was invited to go ice skating in a outdoor rink under the stars.

This was a December like no other. She was, for once in her life, full of hope for Christmas, and hope for herself.

This was new, if not astonishing to her because December was not a good month in her family’s house. There was a deadly tension that loomed in the house and was ready to blow out the windows by Christmas Eve. There were no Norman Rockwell scenes of a peaceful, happy family holiday. Sure, there were presents under the tree and there was a turkey dinner - but on more than one year the tree was kicked over and the lights and ornaments were yanked off the branches by her raging father. On more than one occasion, she and her brothers and sisters ran to their beds when their father and mother started screaming at each other in the middle of Christmas Dinner, threatening each other with curse words and carving knives.

Hours later, the yelling would stop but the silence was frightening. The darkness came but she and her brothers and sisters were too scared to leave their beds, too scared to turn on the lights. They fell asleep in the dark, hungry, scared and crying.

The next morning, everything seemed to be okay. Her parents made up. They were nice to each other.

Then, it started all over again on New Year’s Eve.

But, on that first Christmas morning on her own, opening her eyes, warm in her down sleeping bag in a shared room in the employee’s dorm, she woke to a silence that was not tense or ominous. When she rose, she didn’t have to tiptoe around a Christmas tree and strings of lights and ornaments strewn about the floor. She didn’t have to clear away a dining table with plates of cold, unfinished food and broken glasses. Instead, she greeted her roommate with a cheerful “Merry Christmas”, and they put on their warmest clothes and boots and strolled out into the cold morning to get breakfast.

Later that day, she took a walk by herself, in the silence that was now comforting, in the embrace of her mountain home. She survived domestic violence, she created a place for herself in the world, she was saving money for college. Her boots crunched in the snow leaving solitary footprints, each step made with gratitude and hope.

From there she went on to travel, to fall in love. She was accepted to college and found interesting and satisfying employment. She traveled and fell in love some more. She became a mother to a brown eyed girl.  She raised her child in a redwood house by the sea with a husband who loves her from top to toe.

She also had to get help. Because of the violence she knew and saw as a child, she was diagnosed with depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Sometimes, scenes of her parents screaming and cursing took over her nightmares and her thoughts.  Keeping the ugly scenes of screaming and cursing at bay turned out to be hard work.  Such a journey almost always involves hard work - and hope. The journey is easier, the work is not as hard when there is hope.

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This is my story. During my first Christmas as an 18 year old kid working on her own in Yosemite National Park, I found hope.

Please join me in helping those who are suffering and struggling to find hope by participating in the Tide Loads of Hope for the Holidays program.

Peaceful and blessed holidays to all.

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Grace Davis is the founder of the More Women network and has published at her personal blog State of Grace since 2004. Known as both a visionary and practical leader, in response to Hurricane Katrina she created an amazing outreach network (now called Hurricane Disaster Direct Relief) which connected donors with those in need more effectively than established organizations. Join her RSS feed to learn more about Grace and her Santa Cruz life with her husband, daughter and amazing dog Malcolm.
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Loads of Hope for the Holidays

Please join us at Blog Nosh Magazine as we share stories of hope this holiday season in support of the Tide Loads of Hope program, a mobile laundromat offering laundry services to families affected by disasters.

Share your own stories of hope, along with Blog Nosh Magazine, Velveteen Mind, and a gathering of inspiring bloggers, and enter your own post link in the blog carnival below. Explore featured bloggers as well as three featured posts selected from carnival participants listed in the linky (that could be you!).

Lend your voices now, then participate live during a two day event in New Orleans, Sunday and Monday, December 13 and 14, as we tweet stories of resilience from laundry recipients and volunteers on the ground. Follow along on twitter via #loadsofhope and be sure to follow @TideLoadsofHope.

Learn more about how you can extend hope to families affected by disasters by visiting http://tideloadsofhope.com

Blog carnival hosted by Blog Nosh Magazine, sponsored by Tide Loads of Hope.

How do the holidays fill you with loads of hope?