To: the hearing impaired me. Love: the deaf me.
Originally published at Strange Musings of a Distracted Spunk.
While browsing around the internet, I found an article I wrote when I was nine. Fourteen years ago. I remember sitting in a hotel room with my dad in upstate New York, on our last family vacation before my parents divorced, patiently editing and revising and writing. Apparently, even when I couldn’t write well, I still strove to write. Shows how much of this is innate.
As I read through, I laughed at my younger self. Things that didn’t seem important to me then are now - isn’t that true of everyone? It just goes to show how much we can change. Then I thought, what would I say? Because the nine year old me has yet to see so much. In a post McGee wrote about time traveling, she asked what we would say to our past selves. I wrote, …honestly? There’s nothing I can think of that I would tell myself. Though I wouldn’t mind hearing from myself in five years and knowing where I am then. I never really thought much about the future - just knew it was out there. And someday it will be here.
I was such a pragmatic kid. *shakes head*
Looking back, however, while I can’t go back in time, it’s like a little piece of time caught up with me. So. From the twenty three year old me to the nine year old me. A little slice of the future. Welcome, darling. It’s been an interesting ride, and I gather it’s only going to continue being bumpy.
Hi! My name is DS. I am nine years old. I am hearing impaired. I wear hearing aids. My little sister is also hearing impaired. That is what this story is about.
Sweetheart. This is not a story. A story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Or some variation thereof. What you wrote? Is purely an article. I gather for our age, we were rather intelligent. Not that that’s remotely a surprise, given how intelligent and witty and charming we remain to this moment, but it may take you a few years and MANY creative writing classes to really understand what comprises a story.
When I was two and a half years old, I started to not hear what people were saying….my parents took me to many doctors before we found a doctor who discovered my problem - I was hearing impaired.
It seems so much more dramatic than it actually was. Or perhaps, I’m so used to being hearing impaired now that nothing fazes me. Years of conversations with our family have led to disputing theories. One side claims we had no hearing from birth on, while the other claims we spoke two languages until we were asked to try to only learn one after the initial loss.
I’ll let you in on a secret. I fall in the latter camp.
I know we haven’t been exposed to many deaf people by this point, despite all the “networking events” our parents take us to, including those at the New York Aquarium in Brooklyn, but think of the ones we have met. Remember how their voices always sound more guttural? As though they’re only mimicking the shapes they see forming on the lips of others? We don’t do that, which indicates we must have heard at some point or another. Rational reasoning can be so fascinating, no? From this vantage, we were never born deaf. Which is what makes us and our current plight all the more interesting.
See, there’s going to come a time when things are going to change again. And they won’t know why. Just consider it part of what makes us so fascinating - because modern science will never truly be able to understand us. But promise me, on that May morning when you wake up, and everything sounds a little funny and a little off, and maybe the hearing aid isn’t working properly, be patient with Mom and our sister when they fight, drive our sister to school before heading to ours. Don’t be afraid to leave AP Psych early - they’re watching Sybil, and when you can’t tell if she’s laughing or crying, and the actual visual betrays our ears, don’t be afraid to admit what you’ve been hiding all morning - something is wrong. It’s not the end of the world. And honestly? When you get to be me, you’ll look back and feel proud about how well we handled that and everything else.
But I promise you, the term hearing impaired takes on a whole new meaning after that point.
I attend a public school, and most of the people treat me as if I’m not hearing impaired at all.
It’s pretty neat, isn’t it? That’s a testament to who we are - I don’t know what it is, but we exude confidence and an “I-don’t-care” attitude that makes it hard for people to want to mess with us. Ask Dad what his favorite story about us is - in the library, when we were five. I promise you, you’re going to hear that story at least five times a year. Maybe less if you leave New York - I know you can’t imagine that now, since it’s all you know, but one day, you’ll learn there are leaps and boundaries outside of Brooklyn and Manhattan (and yes, even Queens).
Eep. Got off track there. No surprise there, is it? *grins* There’s always going to be people who make stupid comments or fail to realize that having a hearing impairment does not equate having a lack of intelligence. If anything, it’s them - you don’t quite realize this yet, but you will. Just remember that every time someone says something that makes you want to tear a nerve out of their cochlear just to see how they like it.
But sometimes, I do feel left out…only hard of hearing kids in the entire school…many people didn’t know what a hearing aid was, so they didn’t speak to me the way I needed to be talked to.
Ready for another secret? It has nothing to do with our hearing or lack thereof. It may seem lonely at times, but it’s mostly because we’re too independent to really follow the pack mentality that exists in elementary school. You’ll find out later how much respect it garners to be able to think independently when everyone else only seems to follow the rules. I know it’s a big burden for us, especially when we’re so young, but just think. There are so many books out there to be read, friends to play games with, and dance lessons to be had. So there may be a day or two where you feel lonely - ultimately, we always have us. And that’s more important than anything else.
Sometimes certain people don’t ask me to do something that I want to do, so then, I ask them, and the girls say “no.” Then I feel as if I’m deaf instead of just hearing impaired. These girls also never face me so I can’t read their lips.
I can’t even begin to tell you how surreal it is to read that passage, knowing what’s transpired over the last fourteen years. Is it no wonder that one of those girls was Whitney? Things change. You’ll learn to become more active in taking charge of what you can hear. Someone saying something too softly? Tell them to speak up. Mumbling? Mock them until they figure out how to enunciate. It happens over time - don’t expect a change tomorrow - but don’t EVER be afraid to stand up and advocate for yourself.
My best friend understands me properly…she also has something to say: “I am sorry ds wears hearing aids, but I’m glad she goes to my school and is my best friend.”
Hahahaha. Wow. *shakes head* Where to even start?! Well, you should know by now we only wear one hearing aid. We accidentally-on-purpose flushed the other one down the toilet when we were seven. Two thousand dollars? Down the drain. Literally. While what our “best friend” said may mean a lot to us when we were nine, I look back and think, “Man. We have so much growing to do.” Our best friends now love us for who we are, aside from the hearing. You can’t possibly understand it now, but you’ll learn. Our identity isn’t about being deaf. It’s about being us, about being ds. And you know what? We’re totally awesome.
Plus we kick ass at so many things. (Look the word ass up - I don’t think you’ve come across that one yet - you may not till you’re eleven or twelve. But don’t use it until you’re about sixteen or seventeen because otherwise, you’re just a perverted nine year old, and you have alllll the time in the world to become perverted. I kinda am. Sorry.)
And also? As we grow older, our priorities change, and so do the people in our lives. Don’t be afraid to let go of people when it’s time. Don’t wait too long to brush off someone who isn’t right for us. I’m not saying you shouldn’t make the same mistakes I did - I made many, many mistakes, and I’m grateful for what I’ve learned from them. But perhaps you could tread a bit more lightly.
But most importantly of all? Don’t ever forget who we are or where we came from. There will be days where you need to strike out on your own, and you will. But ultimately, just know: I’ve come a hell of a long way since we were nine (hell - another word to look up, if you don’t already know that one. I don’t remember when that entered our lexicon - it wasn’t in Mr. D’s class, that’s for sure. Oh - and yes. He’s gay. Not that it makes a difference, but put the rumors to rest!). I’m proud of you for being so aware of yourself at such a young age. And guess what? Things will change soon. You won’t always have to be an adult. I promise you, there are a lot of happy moments ahead. And we’ve got one hell of an infectious smile.
Tips for when you meet a hearing impaired person: (because these still ring true, fourteen years later.)
* Face them when you speak
* Speak clearly
* If they don’t hear you, patiently repeat what you said. Don’t say, “Never Mind,” because then the hearing impaired person feels left out.
Editor’s Pick by Lara David from Life: The Ongoing Education: I first found Distracted Spunk’s blog when she won a 20Something Blogger Award - Most Consistently Interesting. And really, what greater compliment is there for a blogger than to know people find you consistently interesting? She is that, and much more, I can assure you, and I’ve been reading her faithfully ever since. Read more Strange Musings of a Distracted Spunk, including this post in its original form (with original comments). And don’t forget to subscribe to her feed for more regular doses of consistently interesting musings from this 20something.
Editor
Lara David
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August 19th, 2008
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Category:
Author- Strange Musings of a Distracted Spunk, Channel- Personal, Coping, Editor- Lara David, Introspection, Self-Awareness, Overcoming Adversity, Personal, Self-Esteem, Confidence, Love Yourself, courage, special needs
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What a fantastic post. My son has a mild hearing loss on one side. He has had no intervention (aides or therapy), none are considered necessary at this point - but he’s monitored regularly.
Your post just makes me that little less fearful should he ever need help in the future.
Thank you.
“Don’t ever be afraid to stand up and advocate for yourself”
That’s exactly what I’m teaching my three deaf and hard of hearing kids. I grew up hard of hearing but I didn’t really pick up the advocating skills until I became deaf at 19. I’m glad my kids are learning it much earlier than I did.
Great post.
Wow. Just…wow.
Fabulous post. I love it.
Having recently lost the hearing out of my left ear and discovered I’m losing it in my right ear, it is interesting to read your perspective on deafness.
Thanks for that. I’ll rock my aide and think of you.
that’s a great information for all
http://www.swardeep.org
wow
Featured on Good Mom/ Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle: http://tinyurl.com/5tal58