Just Us… At the Lake
Originally published at Like I Have Time For This?
One of the biggest traps in homeschooling, if you ask me, is the
constant pressure to Do Things With Other People. Just this morning, in
my email, I finalized plans for friends to come over on Friday
afternoon. As I was finishing that, the phone rang, and it was more
friends asking about getting together for a day trip to a museum soon.
Or, if not that, at least a play date. Or how about the zoo? What are
you doing this weekend? Do you want to check out my co-op? It goes on
and on.
And believe me, I’m not complaining at all. It’s good to have all
these friends. It’s good to get together. But it’s also good to just
not get together sometimes. And for me, being new and still sort of
defensive and insecure about this whole homeschooling thing, I have to
remind myself a lot to Not Always Be Getting Together With People. My
previous post, in which you all were so kind as to reassure me that my
friend was not exactly being friendly, is an excellent case in point. I
could have said no when that woman called and asked if they could stop
by. I should have said no, in fact. We were all tired. I’d spent the
day sorting toys and catching up on laundry. I wasn’t in the mood for
this woman at all to begin with. (Because honestly? That afternoon tea
was only the tip of a very large iceberg. The woman’s got some ISSUES,
is all I’m sayin’.)
But the thing is, I exist on the defensive most of the time. When
people find out we homeschool and start in with the endless questions
on socialization, I want to be armed and ready with a Packed Social
Schedule. It’s ridiculous and exhausting, but it’s hard to stop myself.
And I’m not the only one who does this. Most of the women I know here
are much more busy than I am. They’re stretched thin, and ragged, and
possibly on the edge of burnout. I can see it in their eyes. And
listening to them, I’m learning to simply say No to the endless stream
of activities available to us. But when someone who isn’t a
homeschooler starts asking THOSE QUESTIONS, I’m always quick to tell
them all the millions of things we do all the time, and then having
told people that, I begin to think that I’d better ramp up the social
schedule, just in case those people with absolutely no experience
homeschooling whatsoever are RIGHT and my kids NEED to be surrounded by
other people 24-7.
And the truth is, we need LESS people around. We need some space. We
need at least one day a week where we don’t go anywhere or have people
over. For us, that day is Wednesday. And I guard Wednesdays fiercely.
But maybe, I’m thinking, we need more than just that one day.
Today, it was just the three of us. We did some schoolwork, and took
a quick run to the local elementary school so I could cast my vote in
the primary. Then, seeing that the weather was good, we decided it
might be nice to grab some sandwiches from Subway and go on over to the
local lake and just hang out and see what there was to see.
And this is what we saw*:
And the thing is, it was JUST US. We didn’t bring anyone else
along. We didn’t have to synchronize our watches or sign up on a Yahoo
message board or coordinate with half a dozen other people via email to
have this day. We just got ourselves some lunch and went. And I didn’t
have to talk to anyone. Or entertain anyone. Or encourage anyone. Or
listen to anyone else’s bullshit. Or worry that my kids weren’t getting
along with someone else’s kids. Or worry that the mom I was with had
the better curriculum, or theory, or hairstyle, car, shoes, magazine
subscriptions or WHATEVER. I just had to sit back, relax and take some
pictures.
I think we need more days where it’s Just Us. I think that may be another way to take better care of me and my kids.
Editor’s pick from Tracy at The Inspired Family. A woman after my own heart… a plain old crazy mom, homeschooling! In my perpetual quest to find homeschoolers, like-minded, just trying to do their best, educating their children at home, as “not a born-again Christian, nor am I a pagan, nor a vegan who grinds her own wheat.“, I have found RegularMom. Read more from RegularMom at Like I Have Time For This? and be sure to subscribe.
Editor
Tracy
|
August 5th, 2008
|
Category:
Author- Like I Have Time For This?, Channel- Education, Children, Kids, Teenagers, Editor- Tracy Inspired Family, Education, School, Homeschooling, Outdoors, Parenting
|
I love this post — I feel like that a lot — my kid is only 2, does he really need a playdate every single day? There’s something to be said for playing alone and using imagination….
We also homeschool our son and daughter (ages 11 & 10). There is an overwhelming pressure to be part of a homeschooling “group”, and quite frankly, I haven’t found one yet that works for us.
The whole reason we homeschool is to do what works for our family; our kids. If I get sucked into groups that don’t meet our needs, we defeat the purpose of homeschooling.
Some groups gather too far away geographically, others conflict with our world view. Some people just are who I want to spend my time with…same for my kids. Don’t get me wrong, we aren’t hermits, but as you point out, there are constant opportunities to pack the social calendar when you’re homeschooling.
I also think there’s something to be said for purposeful socialization. I have a child with Asperger Syndrome. Social situations are taxing for him. This means that he will have a higher quality social interaction, with a more positive outcome, if the interactions are less frequent or shorter in duration.
This post brings up an issue which seems to go unaddressed often times in the homeschooling community. Seems we’re prone to working too hard to prove our kids are being socialized. I wonder if, as homeschooling continues to expand as an option, people will come to feel more comfortable with less-full social calendars?
Liz, I also have wondered the same thing, as more and more people homeschool.
And I believe there are studies that show that the more time provided for kids to be alone, the more creative they are.
We generally have a 1.5 to 2 hour rest period after school work is done, on a regular day. The girls listen to stories or soft music and just play creatively alone in their rooms. Or they draw. And ya know, if they don’t get this time during the day, the really FEEL it. They get all grumpy and tell me it’s because they didn’t get their rest time.
Down time is so important!
Anyway… I could go on and on about this. But it’s late and there’s laundry to fold.
Many thanks to BlogNosh for the feature and the link.
I totally agree with you! I need more than just 1 home day for sure. I keep our outside classes/activities to two days a week-we run all day on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Then there are errands and play dates and field trips that sneak into those other days. I say No a lot more than I used to!